


Wedding Bells

by Freelance_Magic



Series: If a 6 foot tall dog man and tiny violent rabbit gremiln pined for each other would that be gay or what? [4]
Category: Sam & Max
Genre: M/M, Telling people that you got engaged, Wedding Day, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-29 10:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19017817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freelance_Magic/pseuds/Freelance_Magic
Summary: Sam and Max are now engaged! What sort gay hijinks will come out of this?





	1. Show and Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Sam and Max inform people that they are engaged

“Ok, spill! How did you propose, Max?” Sybil asked, ready to hear all the romantic details. I turned around from the kitchen counter were I was preparing food. “What makes you think it was Max?” I asked, trying to hide a smile that is forming on my face. Sybil stared at me for a second. “Oh, right! Max sent me a picture of him wearing a ring.” Sybil pointed out reasonably. Sybil then stood up abruptly from the chair she was seated in.”That means Sam proposed! Aw, Sam you sly dog! Tell me how-!” “What make you think that I didn’t propose?” Max asked, trying (and failing) to hide the fact that he was on the verge of laughing. Sybil does a double take. “Wait, but Sam just implied that he proposed?” Sybil asked. “Yes and that’s correct!” Max answers cryptically. “But you just implied that YOU proposed!” Sybil exclaimed as she points at him.“Which is also right.” I answer. Sybil looks back at me. She looks more lost than a sock at a laundry room convention. I hold my hand up, showing off my engagement ring. “We somehow proposed to each other at the exact same time.” I explain.  Max shows off his ring as well. Sybil does a double take at the both of us. “Did you plan this or…?” She trails off. “It was a bizarre, romantic coincidence.” I say as I turn back to preparing some food. “Sam got down on one knee and everything, he was so dashing in the glow of the falling fireball.” Max sighs out. “I think you mean the sunset, little buddy.” I correct. “I know what I said, Sam. Oh and Sam cried as he held me in his arms.” Max continued. I smile to myself. “How could I not? The love of my life just asked me to marry him, while at the same time saying yes to my proposal. That’s a double whammy of happy feelings, anybody would of cried.” I say as I wipe a tear from my eye, the memory brought a lot of feelings back. I hear Sybil turn to face Max. “So, did you cry?” She asks, clearly excited and on the edge of her seat. “I don’t really remember, but my guess is that I’m just too macho to shed a tear.” Max avoids. “He cried  _ “YES! YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!” _ as he kissed my face a ridiculous amount of times.” I reveal. “Aww! That’s so cute!” Sybil giggles. I look back and see that Max has his arms crossed and a blush on his face. “So have you guys told your families yet?” Sybil asks. Oh. I knew we were forgetting to do something!

 

I turn to face Max. “I guess we have to do that pretty soon, huh little buddy?” Max looks at me with a annoyed look. “Great. Now I have to come up with yet another weird way to inform our families of our deepening relationship.” He said exasperated. “You know that we could just call?” I ask. “Yeah! But where's the fun in that?” Max whines. Sybil puts her hand to her chin. “You know, you guys could always be the first to use my new carrier pigeon messaging system.” She offers. “What’s that, Sybil?” I inquire. “My newest business venture, I think this will be my true passion and career.” She says. “Heard it all before, sister!” Max jokes. “Quiet you! Anyways, this could be an interesting way to inform people that your tying the knot!” She offers. “What do you think, little buddy?” I ask Max. Max thinks for a second. “Sounds overly complicated and out there. That’s gay culture! OK, let's do it!”  Max says with enthusiasm. Max is always so adorable when he's excited. “Alright then! Here are the packages and pricing…”

 

                                                                                                                               //////////////////////

 

**_Several hours later_ **

 

“I can’t believe we have to make the cards ourselves!” Max whine as he stamps another card. “You know that you don’t have to pretend that you're not having a good time, Max.”  I say as I roll up another card. “Whatever could you mean, my dear?” Max asked as he inked another card. “I know you love making stamps and hitting things, so I know that you are actually having a really good time right now.” Max smiles as I point this out. “What can I say, Sam? I just love things that involve pounding and you!” He says with a wink. I look down at his stamp, It reads, “ We are getting hitched, wanna see?!” with flames surrounding the text, there is also little stick versions of myself and Max with two rings between us. Max has really improved since last time he made a stamp. I stretch my arms above my head, I’m getting kinda tired of making cards. “I guess we should be going to bed.” Max announced. I glance over at a clock on the wall, it’s kinda early to turn in. “Are you sure, Max? It’s kinda early to go to sleep.” I ask. Max walks over to where I’m sitting on the floor. “Oh Sam. I didn’t say we would be sleeping~” Max flirted as he grabbed my tie and pulled me into a kiss. I look at all the cards that still need to be done. “Are you sure? I mean look at all of-” Max interrupts me with a another kiss. “I could use the practice for our wedding night, if you catch my drift.” Max counties. I roll my eyes as I smile. “Well, if it’s for practice…” I start. I pause for the sake of anticipation and seeing Max’s expression as he waits for my answer. “I don’t see any reason why not!” I say as I scoop Max into my arms. As I make my way to the bedroom Max begins to giggle uncontrollably as he plays with my ear. I got a strange feeling that we aren't going to finish those cards until tomorrow.


	2. Dress or Tux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max asks Sam who is gonna be wearing what

“I have a question regarding our wedding.” I blurt out as a PJ clad Sam climbs into bed.”Hmm?” Sam hums as he snuggles up to me. “Who's gonna wear what on our wedding day?” I ask. Sam moves me so I’m laying on his chest, one of my top fifteen favorite places in the world. “I don’t quite know what you mean, little buddy?” Sam answers as he pets my back. “I mean who’s gonna wear the dress and who’s gonna wear the tuxedo?” I elaborate. Sam sits up which causes me to fall into his lap. “Hmm…? That's a good question, Max.” Sam says as he starts to think about it himself. I sit up right and cuddle into his belly. “This is actually kind of a really tough choice!’” Sam says out loud. I rest my chin on his stomach as I look up as his face. “See!” Sam looks down at me and gives me a tender kiss on the forehead. “Suits are more my comfort zone and a tux is just a fancy suit.” Sam starts. “But you’d look so pretty in a dress!” I counter. Sam wraps his arms around me again and lays down in a way so that we are face to face on our sides. “I will get to the dresses in just a second, bucket head. And if you wore a suit we would save on pants, considering you never wear them.” Sam points out. “Um! I will have you know that I have wore a pair of pants on several occasions!” I retort. Sam blows on my face, his breath smells like Popsicle, mint and a hint of hot dog. “Dresses can be pretty pricey and the odds of me wearing a wedding dress twice seems unlikely. I know that you would wear yours to costume parties though.” Sam states. “Zombie brides are always so majestic at costume parties.” I sigh out, I then frown as I realize that Sam might not be considering the dress option. “So you won’t wear a dress.” I pout slightly. Oh well, at least Sam would look sharp in his tux. “Well… there's ONE thing I didn’t mention about the dress option that might make me get one.” Sam offers. “What is it Sam? The waits killin’ me!” I exclaim. What could be so great about a wedding dress that would change Sam’s mind?  “The retrieving of the garter and subsequent tossing of said garter, but more of the retrieving of it, on both ends is what has me so torn.” Sam shyly states. “What’s a garter?” I ask. I can feel Sam's face getting a little warm. “A garter holds up a stocking and during a wedding there is a garter toss were the groom… often times uses his mouth to retrieve the garter and tosses it, it’s kinda like the flower toss.” Sam explains. I stare at Sam. “So the garters are located…” I start. “On the thigh.” Sam finishes. “So you would to stick your head up a dress? My dress to specify?” I ask with a intrigued tone. “Yes, that would mean that if you wore a dress I might end up sticking my head up your dress.” Sam answered. “And if you wore a dress that would mean, what?” I ask, already knowing the answer. “You would stick you head up my dress then.” Sam sighed out. “And I would get to have my mouth near your thigh?” I ask. I can’t wait for our wedding! “Practically on my thigh actually!” Sam exclaimed. “That sound great!” “Well… we would have to do it in front of our families though, Max…” Sam informs me. “EVEN BETTER!” I shout as I snuggle into the crook of Sams neck. Sam lets out a sleepy sigh. “Let’s figure out the details in the morning.” Sam says with a yawn as he tightens he hold a me a bit more as he cuddles back. As I fall asleep I hear Sam mumble. “You’d look cute in anything you’d wear.” I smile as I think the same about him…. A sudden realization comes to mind.  _ SAM JUST CONFESSED THAT HE WOULD BE WEARING STOCKINGS IF HE WEARS A DRESS TO OUR WEDDING!  _ I glance over at Sam who has his eyes closed and is probably drifting off to sleep. I think about Sam in stockings and nothing else. WOW! OK! I need to sleep so no more of that. I close my eyes again, trying to sleep. But my mind provides me with another great idea.  _ Sam wearing nothing but stockings and his collar _ . I make a mental note to bring this up later in the morning. And somehow, by some might of some god like figure, I manage to fall asleep on that note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Max: What are we gonna wear?  
> Sam: Garters hopefully
> 
> That’s right, garters. Also, who should be wearing what? Should Sam wear a dress or a tux? Should Max wear a petty dress or a sharp tux? Comment down below with what you think!


	3. To plan a very Sam and Max wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max work out the finer details of their wedding

“You know those pillars of flames that shoot up during a rock concert? I want those for when we kiss after the “ _ I dos!” _ ” Max exclaimed as we waved his arms around wildly. I chuckle at my soon to be husbands excitement. “We might have to put a rain check on that particular idea, little buddy. We- I don’t want something to catch on fire, at least so early on. Fires should probably be reserved for the reception.” I point out. Max and I have dedicated time to spending most of the day so far planing out the finer details of our wedding. Max calms down a little from my explanation. “You got a point, Sam.” Max said, a little disappointed at the lack of fire during the ceremony. “I mean, you are already pretty hot stuff, Max. We don’t want our guest to have heat stroke.” I try. Max seems a little delighted at being called  _ “hot stuff”  _ thus feeling better about the failed fire plan. “I know, Max! Let’s have a whole pig during the reception. We can even cut the head off it together and have pictures taken of it like some demented parody of our cutting of the wedding cake.” I offer. Max puts his chin in his hands as he gets a dreamy smile on his face. “I think I’m falling in love all over again!” Max said in a dreamy tone. Max suddenly look like he has an idea. “Can we put the pig's head on a spear and dance around it like early man trying to ward off evil too?” Max asks. “Sure! Well make it so everyone can join in!” I agree. Max giggles cutely. “I’m starting to see why so many girls obsess over this day for their whole lives! This is gonna be a blast! OH! IDEA! Fireworks!” Max reaches over for his paper and pencil and scribble down something. I reach out for my own list and scribe down the fire and pig idea onto the list. “I’m thinkin’ that maybe we should have ice cream cake instead of those basic ass wedding cakes that everybody gets, what do you think Sam?” Asked Max in a very smug tone, like a mother cat who’s got her kittens a canary for Christmas.  I look up at Max and stare him straight in the eyes. “I love you so much.” I speak in a very serious tone. Max continues to look smug as he sips some sort of beverage from a mug. 

 

“Where should the wedding venue and reception take place?” I ask Max who's currently doodling on his notes. “Let’s have the ceremony in a church!” Suggested Max. Huh, wasn’t expecting that! “How traditional, little buddy!” It’s such an… not Max idea. “Yeah, I wanna try and do that garter toss thing in the church!” Added Max. Ah, there we go, that’s more like him. “That’s more of a reception thing, Max.” “I know, but maybe we could do it early, for the sake of doing something vaguely inappropriate in a church, please?” Max pleads with puppy eyes and his hands clasped together. The sights adorable really. “Well, because you begged so nicely, I’ll consider it.” I give in. “I learned how to beg from you, Sam!” Max says, almost like a weird complement. “Just because I stare at you for one of your fries on occasion doesn’t really mean that I beg all that often.” I defend a little. Max lets out a mischievous chuckle. “I mean I learned how to beg nicely from you, when I have you in that state, needy and begging for my touch like it’s your only salvation. Begging me to do anything t-” “Max, reception. Where do you want it?” I quickly interrupt with a warm face. We haven’t been at this for more than an hour or two and I would like to make significant progress. Max puts his hand on his chin and tilts his head. “The beach? That way we can have a fire without someone calling nine-one-one on us like a nark.” Max answers. “The beach it is, little buddy.” I confirm as I write it down onto our notes. I think of any other details that we can conform for now. “Decided on what your gonna wear, Max?” I ask as I glance at him. “Yeah, I'm gonna wear a dress.” Max answers. “Okay, got any particular dress in mind?” I ask. “Actually funny that you mention that.” Max hops off the chair he was sitting on and skedaddles into another room. “I actually found this little beauty pretty soon after we had that talk a few nights ago.” Max explained from another room. Wow that was fast! I heard it usually takes awhile to get a wedding dress, thinking about it, I heard that fact from Max actually. Max then waddles back with his dress. The dress is very  _ “Max” _ . “Is that a…?” I start. “A sheath for a large knife? Yes, yes it is.” Max finishes for me. “It’s so you, I think you’ll look beautiful in it.” I answer. “If your trying to see me in my dress before the wedding don’t even try it!” Max teases. I smile as I look back down at our lists. I frown. “How are we gonna do all of this ourselfs?” I ask myself out loud. “Well have Sybils help, after all she is our maid of honor!” Max answers. I give Max a confused look, head tilt and all. “I thought you made her a bride-slash grooms maid?” I ask, clearly remembering the text Max sent saying that. “I forgot about maid of honor being a thing, don’t worry, I asked her.” Max said waving off my worries. “Oh? And how did that go?” Max shrugs his shoulders. “She cried, like, a lot. It was WEIRD!” Max said. “I think that’s a pretty normal response to being asked to be a brides-slash-grooms maid, Max.” Max gives me look like I’m missing the point. “When have you ever seen Sybil Pandemik cry, Sam?” Max asks. I try and remember the last time I seen Sybil cry and… I got nothing. “You got a point, little buddy.” I look back down at the notes. “We still have more work to do.” I hear Max audibility groan at the idea of more work. It’s looking to be a long process.

 

“AND DONE!” Max cries out in victory as he sets his notes down. “For tonight at least, Max.”  I say putting mine to rest like one does a dearly departed goldfish for the tenth time, tossing it down without much thought. “Hey, Sam?” Max asks. “Hmm?” I hum out, too tired to use real words. “Do we have best men or what?” Max asks. “No more talk of wedding for now Max.” I say as I stand and reach over to scoop Max into my arms. “Huh? Where are we going?” Max asks confused by the sudden actions. I begin to kiss his neck as a response. “OH! Why didn’t you say so!” Max giggled. We can pick up where we left off later, for now, I want to enjoy something more… in the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL:DR  
> Max: Lets have fire shoot up from the ground!  
> Sam: Good idea, but I don’t want to anything to catch fire… yet.
> 
> Thank you to Kit, Griffin-Yeeteeteet and great_scott for helping to decide on the dress question!


	4. Familial support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max get a special visitor

“I can’t believe how quickly the big day is coming up!” Sam exclaimed as we checked around our venue. “Yeah, hard to believe that not so long ago we finally got together after years of self imposed emotional torture.” I respond. Sam takes my hand into his. “I’m feeling a little nervous, having to get up in front of everyone.” Sam confesses. “Hey I’ll up in front of everyone with you.” I try to comfort. “I know, it’s just that..” Sam looks a little upset. “I haven’t really heard from my family in a while, and definitely not since we got together, so I’m just kinda… nervous to what they might say.” He sighs. I don’t know what I can say to help, so I don’t say anything, instead I squeeze Sam’s hand in a attempt to comfort him. Sam gets a little smile on his face. “Thank you.” He whispers. “Any time.” I whisper back. I don’t think Sam’s family would disapprove of Sam marrying another man, at least, most of his family. But I do wonder if they would be okay with him marrying me, of all people? It pains me that I can’t bring much more reassurance to Sam. I just wish there was someone who could. “Hey, there are the boys I’ve been lookin’ for!” A familiar voice called out. Sam and I looked behind us at the sudden commotion. “Granny Ruth?! What are you doing here?” Sam exclaimed in shock. Grandma Ruth put her hands on her hips. “Now, Sammy boy is that anyway to greet your granny?” She jokingly scolds. I look at Sams face, he’s just as caught off guard as I am!  “Come give grandma a hug!” She exclaims as she holds out her arms. Sam lets go of my hand and goes and hugs his granny. “It’s so nice to see you, Granny, but how did you know that we would be here?” Sam asks as they hug. “Your friend Sybil gave me directions!” She explains. My question is how did she contact Sybil, but I guess that's just a woman's secret ( my theory is that girls have a secret underground network were they talk to each other about… things?). “Holy aliens waiting in line for a long awaited sequel, I can’t believe your here!” Sam exclaims, still shell shocked at Grandma Ruth’s sudden appearance. “I’m here alright, I was pretty sure you were feeling the pressure of the big day so I thought to come by and stop you from over thinking.” Grandma Ruth explained. The iron maiden is a real lifesaver. Granny and I make eye contact. “Ah! Hello, Max! How have you been!” Grandma Ruth greeted as she pick me up into a bone crushing hug. I guess Sams whole family's very huggy, not that I’m complain’. “Glad to see you still lift Granny Ruth!” I answer. 

 

“So who proposed?” Grandma Ruth asked after a bit of catching up. “Both of us at the same time.” Sam answers, showing off his ring. Grandma Ruth laughs in response. “That sounds about right. You know, in retrospective, it makes sense that you two would end up together.” Grandma Ruth points out. Sam tilts his head. “Really?” He asks. “Think about it. You spent nearly every waking moment together, slept in the same bed often even during your awkward  teen years, Sam you invited Max as your date to a wedding for Pete's sake!” Grandma Ruth pointed out. I glance up at Sam who seems to be more relieved at Granny Ruth's words. “Did you know that I realized I loved Sam in middle school?” I blurt out. “That long? Wow, Sam how long did you know you loved Max?” Grandma Ruth asked Sam. “S-since middle school too actually.” Sam confesses. Granny Ruth double overs in laughter. “You two really are meant for each other! What a pair of disasters!” She laughs. I grin. “I take that as a complement.” Granny Ruth then starts to cry. What? Why? She was just laughing just a second ago. “Granny? Are you alright?” Sam asks worried. Grandma Ruth wipes her face. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just… my little Sammy getting married and I guess it just hit me.” She says through her tears. “Aw! Granny come here!” I say holding my arms out for a hug. Grandma Ruth then brings me into yet another bone crushing hug, it’s a good thing I’m very malleable. “I think I’m also relieved that Sammy’s also marrying his best friend.” Grandma Ruth confesses. 

 

After calming down Granny Ruth she offers to get us lunch, and who can say no to free food? “I’m feeling better, little buddy.” Sam states as we follow behind his Granny. I glance up at Sam. “Hmm? What helped?” I ask. Sam smiles. “Granny Ruth is happy about us. So I feel less pressured about the wedding day now. I don’t know. I feel kinda stupid for being stressed at all in retrospect.” Sam confesses. “Hey, don’t call yourself that. Honestly, I was kinda worried too. I mean, would your family be okay with you marrying someone like me?” I confess. “What, you think my family won't want me marrying someone who's cute?” Sam flirts. “Dork.” I say as I lightly punch him in the arm. Maybe we really don’t have to worry at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Sam: *Feels nervous*  
> Max: *Feels sad because he can’t do much to help*  
> Granny Ruth: *Burst through the doors* I brought love and support for my gay grand-baby and his hubby
> 
> I would like to thank Elizabeth Loria for inspiring this chapter! Also Grandma Ruth is here!!!!


	5. I do, with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has come

“Calm down, Sam. You can do this, you can do this. It’s just your friends and family who have all come to watch you marry Max. It’s gonna be fine.” I try and calm myself down in the mirror. I’m currently stuck in my dressing room trying to calm myself down before the ceremony and it’s not going very well. I start to play with my bow tie. “I wish you were here with me.” I mumble to myself. Max and I have been put into separate dressing rooms for the sake of tradition. Currently I think that tradition can go shove something large and heavy because I really want Max with me right now. “Is everything okay in here?” Calls Granny Ruth. “I don’t know?” I answer. I hear granny stroll in. “Oh Sammy, what's wrong?” She asks. “I’m nervous, like, holy trauma ward ptsd chihuahuas level of nervous.” I confess. Granny grabs my shoulders from behind me and gives the a little shake. “Oh Sammy, that’s just the pre-wedding jitters getting to you!” Granny reassures. “I know, it’s just that…” I trail off. Granny nods her head. “You wish he was in here with you.” She finishes for me. I nod my head while trying to prevent myself from crying. “Don’t cry, just think of how soon you’ll be with him.” Granny encourages. I take a deep breath. “Okay, I should probably get into position at the altar.” I state. “You won’t be waiting long, trust me.” Granny says cryptically. Whatever could she mean by that?

Welp, here I am, waiting in front of the altar for Max. I scan the crowd, I see many members of my family, some of Max’s relatives and quite a few of our friends. The anticipations killing me. I look over at Sybil who seems to have some sort of “I know something cartoonish and wacky is about to go down” smile on her face. But what does she know? I open my mouth to ask Sybil and- “Everyone please rise.” Oh, guess we’re starting now. Everyone stands and turns to look at the entrance. The door creaks open a tiny bit. Everyone leans in. Suddenly the door bursts open with Max in his wedding dress, riding a motorcycle. Honestly, with the lighting giving him a glow, the motorcycle giving him this sense of power and the grace he has in the dress, the sight of him takes my breath away. Max seems to see my jaw dropped expression and even though he has a veil on, I can still see a mischievous smirk form on his face. Max revs the engine of the motorbike. Then he takes off down the ale at ludicrous speeds. I know what he's doing. He reaches the altar, gets the bike to do a jump. As he begins to soar I swiftly swipe him off the bike. The bike goes through the stained glass portrait behind us. “Hang on a moment.” I hear Sybil say as she leaves to go after the bike with what seems to be a fire extinguisher. I turn to face Max who is still in my outstretched arms. “What am I ever going to do with you?” I say in a fond tone. “Well, moving the veil out of my face could be a good start.” Max offers. I set down Max and move the veil out of his face, relieving my handsome soon to be husband. “Okay, Max. I put out the motorcycle “accident” fire, just as you ask.” Said Sybil coming back. “Ahem?” We all turn to face our wedding officiator. Poor guy looks terrified. “Shall we start?” He asks, looking on the verge of having a stroke. Max and I move so we are now side by side face him. 

“Dearly beloved, we gather here today to witnesses and to join Sam and Max a very important moment in their lives…” I glance down at Max who I find is looking back at me. I try to look back at the officiant, but I find myself looking back down at Max, I seem to be unable to keep my eyes off him and to him the same situation. “..and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and husband. Please join… hands?” Says the officiant, confused at what to call our hands. Max and I join hands. “I understand they our grooms have personal vows that they would like to exchange with each other.” The officiant signals. Max takes a breath and starts first. “Sam, we known each other for our entire lives, been through more life threatening adventures then I care to count and had a mutual crush on each other for more than ten years. I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter what, I’m there for you. Now and forever. Oh and if someone makes you sad and cry I’ll beat them to an inch away from death, maybe more if it make you feel better!” Max finishes. I throat gets tight at Max’s personal vow, I can tell that it’s very genuine and from the heart. I clear my throat, it’s my turn now. “Max, you are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. You fill my life with meaning and drive, which you so helpfully made a visual metaphor for with your motorcycle stunt. You make me feel happy to be who I am. Even holy god level beings on steroids that pump everyday all day aren’t strong enough to tear us apart. So, I’m with you, till the end and beyond that. Also, if anyone hurts you I’ll show them a world of hurt.” I finish. I see a tear fall from Max’s eye, it’s rare sight to see Max cry so my vow must have did it’s job. “Sam, do you take Max to love and cherish forever?” “Yes.” “Max, do you take Sam to love and cherish forever?” “You know it!” “With the power vested in me and also from that minster website, I now pronounce you Husbands. You may now kiss.” The officiant proclaims. I sweep Max off his feet and pull him into a kiss. I hear the audience made of our family and friends hoot, holler and clap like there is no tomorrow. But they sound far away, because all I can think about is how the love of my life is now my husband. My husband. My husband. Max is my husband. Sam and Max: Freelance husbands. I like the sound of that. Max and I separate from our kiss. I pull out our rings from my pocket and slip them onto our fingers. “LET’S GO TO THE RECEPTION!” Max yells out to the crowd. This is starting to look like it’s going to be a night to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL:DR  
> Max: If someone makes you sad I’ll bludgeon them with a hammer :)  
> Sam: If someone hurts you I’ll shoot 100 bullets into them :)  
> Officiator: Uhhhhhhh…
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed the wedding, but guess what? We got to go to the reception! (also sorry that the chapter’s a little late!)


	6. Reception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Max have their reception

“Okay, so what should we do first?” Sam asks as we arrive to the beach. Thanks to both of us not really wanting to feel pressured to do anything in a particular order we now get to decide what we want to do and when to do it. I think for a moment. “Well… that garter toss thing is something I’ve been looking forward to doing, but maybe we should cut the cake first, then we can cut off the pigs head.” I spitball. “And then we can have people dance around the severed head as we either watch them as we eat ice cream cake or pork, or join in the dancing.” Sam finishes. “Don’t forget, you two. You will be slow dancing together at some point tonight.” Sybil speaks as she sneaks up behind us. “Let’s cut the cake first. Then we cut the pig's head, we can then figure out what to do next from there.” Sam suggests. Sam takes my hand into his as he leads me over to the cake. 

 

“Ah. Mr. President. Congratulations on your marriage.” Superball greeted in his usual monotone  voice. “Superball, you know I’ve haven’t been president for a hot while now.” I state. “Yes, force of habit, my bad.” Superball states. “Are you enjoying yourself?” Sam asks. “Yes, very much sirs. Your vows moved me to tears.” Superball answers in his ever monotone voice. “Well we should get cut this cake, would be an travesty if we let it melt before we got, right little buddy?” Sam gestures to our wedding cake which I know Sam’s been eyeing since we got here, and I should know since I been eyeing Sam the entire time we been here. I pull out my knife from its sheath as Sam puts me on the table. Sam joins his hands on the knife with mine, then we begin to cut into the cake. I see a flash and look up to see Sybil taking photos, I completely forgot about photos, good thing we got her I guess. “On to the pigs head next, little buddy?” Sam asks as he puts the first slice of cake on a plate. I love this man.

 

“Your family's getting more into the pig’s head dance then a troubled teen into reckless behavior, Max.” Sam observe as my relatives dance around the pig's head in a circle. The bonfire behind them only helps to add a layer of chaos to the dance. “I feel god in this pig’s head tonight, Sam.” I say at the sight. “Do you wanna join them?” Sam asks. I would, but I don’t want to leave Sam behind.  “I want to stay with you.” I answer. “You say that like I don’t want to join your relatives in this little shindig that’s happening around a pigs decapacted and roasted head.” Sam says as he takes my hand and leads me to the dance.

 

I have to admit, it’s quite a sight to see Sam, a six foot tall dog, dancing around with lagomporths of various sizes that range from tiny to short, around a pig's head. I look around at everyone else who isn’t dancing as I do another twirl. I see Sam’s family talking amongst themselves with some of my family who have taken a break. I’m also able to gander a look at Mama Bosco and her son chatting up some mole men, or should I say I see some mole men trying to chat up Mama Bosco who looks completely uninterested and Bosco who seems to be more into having the conversation with the mole men. I look back at Sam who looks breathtaking with the fire behind him, I can’t wait for that garter toss to happen. 

 

“Well, I guess I would have to do this at some point.” Sam says, a little embarrassed at everyone whos gathered around. “We don’t have to do this if you feel uncomfortable, Sam.” I assure. “No, it’s fine it’s just… implies somethings that I would rather not go through my relatives minds, especially grannys.” He confesses. That make sense, but I think I know how to make him feel better. “Think of it this way, Sam. This is a lot less worse then the time Sybil came over unannounced and you answered the door with your collar still on.” Sam blushes at the memory. “This is just a flirty game that lots of people do, the Sybil  _ “incident” _ was full on conformation that you have times where you like to be… let’s call it  _ needy _ .”  I say with a wink. “Okay, I feel better now. Compared to the  _ “incident” _ , this is nothing.” Sam says shaking his head. “Glad your feeling better, now stick your head up my dress!” I say with unabashed excitement. “Well, because you asked so nicely…” Sam says as he gets low to the ground so he has a better angle of entrance. I can barely contain my laughter as I hear people whistle and hoot at the realization of what Sam’s about to do. I lift up the bottom of my dress a bit more for easy access. “Well, go fetch!” Sam then rushes his face up my dress. Everyone in the crowd loses their minds a little bit with laughter, whistling and hollering. I can feel Sam trying to tug the garter down his just his mouth and I’m having a great time with how much he's struggling. Then I realize that he might be  **pretending** to struggle, but that’s ridiculous, Sam would never- I feel him lick my leg. What a tease! Sam then finally pulls back out with garter in between his teeth. “Heads up!” Sam yells as he takes the garter from his mouth and tosses it behind him. Suddenly, multiple mole men and various other guest all jump for the garter and begin to fight over the thing. “Speaking of violent wedding traditions…” I say as I run to grab the bouquet for the bouquet toss. I find the bouquet and chuck it into the crowd. Now next to the garter fight there is a bouquet brawl taking place. We should set up a betting pool to see who wins. “Wanna get out of here little buddy?” Sam asks as he lifts me into his arms. “OH NO YOU DON’T! You two still have to slow dance, then you can consummate your marriage.” She exclaims as she pushes Sam towards a little boom box. “What does  _ “consummate _ ” mean?” I ask, still in Sam’s arms. Sybil rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, Sam here will show you later.” She says as she backs up and pulls out a camera. Sam face is red. What does it mean?! The music begins to play and Sam begins to sway around with me in his arms. “Huh?  Déjà vu.” “Yeah, no kidding.”

 

Sam and I dance for several minutes as Sybil takes photos. “Do you think you got enough, Sybil?” Sam asks. “Yeah, this should do. You two can now go and consummate your marriage.” Sybil says with a little hand wave. “I still don’t know what that means.” I point out, hoping somebody will tell me. “I’ll show you when we get home, little buddy.” Sam states in a strange tone, like he’s holding back or something. “Oh and by the way, Sam. I got in contact with the commissioner so you two have the next few days off, so don’t worry about having Max walk tomorrow!” Sybil calls. What does she mean by that? “Sam? What does-?” Sam cuts me off with a kiss. “Once we get home, I’ll let my actions do the talking. Okay?” Well… if he insists. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR  
> Sam: Cake :)  
> Max: Pigs Head!
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long! This chapter concludes wedding bells! Onto the honeymoon arc next!

**Author's Note:**

> TL:DR  
> Sybil: Who proposed?  
> Sam: I did  
> Max: I did  
> Sybil:?????UM?????
> 
> This is chapter one of the wedding arc!!!!!! Hope all of you have a good time!!! Also I would like to thank The groke and great_scott for helping me chose to put the wedding arc in a part 4!


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